So first off, tell me how did you get this idea [to have anal sex]? Did Neil ask you to do this or is this something you came up with on your own.
Girl...Low key something I came up with on my own. We had experimented before but you know I’ve always had digestive issues my whole life. So I was like this is not going to work. But in high school, when I was trying to hold on to my virginity with a thread, Marcus used to put his thumb in my butt and I enjoyed it at that point in time.
But then when I got to college and I was dealing with Neil, honestly I just couldn’t...even now I can’t do the anal thing. But I was like, ‘Ima clean my system out and maybe I’ll be able to do it.’You know, try something different. Because he was gone. He was in the Air Force at that point in time. So you know I’m trying to change it up real quick. I was going to clean my system out, it’s going to be alright. Girl, leaky ass all fucking day. And not only that, my ass was raw from shitting because when you use the magnesium citrate…
Why did you decide to get magnesium citrate? Why did you do that
My daddy had me on magnesium citrate because we was taking that to lose weight. Magnesium citrate works better for me than laxatives because laxatives, I just never know when that’s going to come out. And it just makes my stomach have spasms. And I be crying to be honest. I just feel constantly nauseous. Shitting and vomiting? No thanks. I was like, ‘I can take this magnesium citrate, it’s going to taste like a whole bunch of salt water and then I’m just going to blow it all out.’
So you’ve done it before?
I’ve had magnesium citrate before but it was to lose weight.
Did you have the same effects from it?
I don’t feel like was leaking all day. I also don’t feel like I had someone in my nether regions with my leaking ass...
I had ordered this blazer from Asos and it was this turquoise, leopard skirt and heels. And you know I never wear heels. I was just trying to do it real big. I had this short ass skirt on, with my drawers, a pad on, a leaky ass and heels, walking around town tipping, ok?
Wait, y’all went out?
Girl. We went off campus.
You gotta slow down.
We got a room off campus. It was towards the end of the semester and everything. So it was like, this was big, right?
You got that magnesium citrate at what time?
That was like earlier in the day.
And what point did it start taking its effect?
Within like an hour or two. Cuz the thing is you take the magnesium citrate and then you chug it with water. The things about is, it has your ass like, you know a goldfish mouth. How a goldfish mouth looks like when it’s breathing? That’s what your asshole is doing. Girl, it’s just open and spasm-ing with random juice coming out.
So all of this is happening all day long. Did you think it was going to stop before the evening?
Yeah! So the reason why I kept the pad on was so I could assess what was going on, whether or not it was slowing down. And it was slowing down for a little bit. But when he had picked me up, we went to go get something to eat and like, I ate one french fry and I was like ‘Aww nah.’ My stomach started rumbling. So I was like if I eat all this food I’ma shit all over the bed.
So it never occurred to you to cancel the date?
Nah girl! He was only in town for the weekend. I was like, ‘We’re just going to work it out.’
And I had worn that pad all the way to the hotel room. And so as soon as we got into the hotel room, he was trying to engage in activity but I was like ‘Oh, let me go to the bathroom real quick, I gotta pee.’ Girl, so I’m in the bathroom, tipping in these fucking heels, looking to see whether or not I got shit on this pad.
Why didn’t you take those damn heels off? Why was you still walking around in them heels?
Because I had my outfit on! With the heels and the skirt...I used to do the dumbest shit for Neil Jones. You just don’t know. All the shit that I went through...
So you go to the bathroom and you check…
And I saw like a little bit but I was like ‘Ok, it’s still not a whole bunch like earlier.’ So I took a quick little hoe bath and I took the pad off and wrapped it up in toilet paper to conceal it in the trash can and I come back out.
Girl, so I come back out and I laid down on the bed. And he’s getting down by my vagina region and I had my legs up like a triangle. Girl...I felt like water. It was like booty juice water on my ass cheek.
NOOOOOoo!
Girl. I was like ‘No!’ So Neil thought that it was because I was afraid of oral sex, which I lowkey am. Like, I be throwing myself off the bed. So he thought that that’s what it was. So girl, he’s trying to fight with my leg. And I’m like, ‘No, no, no. Don’t do that because I’m going to fuck around and shit on myself.’ So, I’m trying to play it off. ‘Like you know my stomach hurts. Can we just lay here? I’m sorry. I just feel sick.’ Because I didn’t eat any of my food. I just had one fry.
What did he say?
He just laid there. He felt bad. I was going through a lot that year. And the next day...first of all, I didn’t have any money for any food. That’s how I know it was the end of the semester because I was so broke. And he had give me some money to go grocery shopping with. Which is unlike Neil because Neil don’t ever do shit! And I was like, ‘Oh that was sweet.’ Then he left. He was only there for the night. Then he went to Clinton, which is where he’s from.
I’ve always had really bad digestive issues.The first time I had sex with Aaron...well the second time. The first time I had sex, it was like three pumps and then I went to sleep.
Why was he done in three pumps?
No he wasn’t done in three pumps, I was done in three pumps. The first time I had sex with him, I was just trying to get over Neil. I was like, ‘I just need someone else to erase my memory of him.’ Because it has been seven months and I was thinking Neil all the time. Which--my problem is whenever I try to get over Neil, I sacrifice one of my male friends, instead of keeping things platonic.
But the second time, it felt like someone was stabbing me.
Ugh. Because of the gas?
Because of the gas. But also, Aaron has a large penis. But I thought, ‘I know how to take dick.’
Screams! You are so sick!
I had a sun room that was off the side of my front door, my bedroom’s in the back of the apartment. Girl, I literally got out of the bed and spread my legs, and I was trying to fart. It was so rude.
You said ‘But I know how to take dick.’ Laughs
Basically. But it got better towards the end.
But that’s why I need to get my health together because literally, if your digestive system is fucked up, it literally affects sex in all types of ways.
And I notice that people with large penises, it gives me gas...it’s almost like...you know when you pump a syringe really fast, you can’t pump it really anymore because of all that air. Girl, that is what it’s like with a large penis. It makes it even worse when I make bad dietary decisions.
You said you told Neil later what happened.
About how I took a magnesium citrate.
What did he say girl?
I don’t know if I ever told you this but Neil is the most blandest person. He has a monotone voice.
Yeah you did. I don’t understand how you were so caught up on someone who was so boring.
I was talking about that yesterday. Neil and I we got along great sexually. I mean there were times when it was fucking horrible.
That’s the last thing I remember.
Sometimes we had good hate sex. But sometimes when I was emotionally detached from him, it was just horrible Like when I was living with him and Dante, we had anal sex there too. And that’s when I knew.
So you tried it again?
Yeah and I hated it. And I hated him at the same time, we’re having anal sex, then I’m going into work. I was like ‘Nah. I’m not about to be fucked like a slave for this triflin ass nigga.'
Because when I was living with him, we would have sex every day. It felt like me waiting to eat dog food everyday. That’s what I liked about earlier, when we first started dating, we kind of had a sense of adventure.
...
I feel like now, I don’t know if it’s because of my issues with constipation or what but I’m just not wit it. Even if someone tries to put their finger in my butt during sex, I feel like I can’t breathe, like I’m claustrophobic. Isn’t that crazy? I have to slap their hand away. I feel like I can’t breathe. Yeah girl, I’m not with that shit, not no more.
Not no more? What changed?
I never really enjoyed it, it was just like this was the thing to do. Neil fucking all offbeat in my ass? No girl. It was not even worth it. I was trying to be a ride or die for real. And it’s not even because it’s a type of submission. Because I can appreciate some type of submission during sex, like power struggles but it just felt like ‘Nah.’
So how did you put a stop to that?
I just said I wasn’t going to do it no more. I wish I was as vocal in other emotional aspects as I am in sex. I’m a very clear communicator when it comes to sex. But everything else, other feelings, I’m not really that good at.
That’s interesting. Why do you think that is?
Because I feel like I have more control. I can do whatever I want. It’s like if you don’t do whatever I say then you can’t enjoy me. You gotta go. But really I should apply that to other things.